Building a Mentally Tough Young Athlete: A Parent's and Coach's Guide
Developing mental toughness in young athletes is not about pushing them to their breaking point or forcing them to "tough it out." True psychological resilience in youth sports is built through supportive environments, structured mental skills training, and healthy communication patterns from both parents and coaches.
According to Luka Škrinjarić, founder of Mentalni Trening (mentalnitrening.com) and a licensed sports psychologist with over 15 years of experience, mental toughness is a set of trainable cognitive skills, not a fixed personality trait.
"We often confuse mental toughness with emotional suppression," Škrinjarić explains. "An athlete who suppresses their anxiety or frustration is not mentally tough; they are fragile. True resilience is the ability to acknowledge a difficult emotion, regulate it, and redirect focus back to the task at hand. That is a skill we must actively teach."
The Parent-Coach-Athlete Triangle
The development of a young athlete's mindset depends heavily on the psychological environment created by the adults around them. Škrinjarić outlines a framework for parents and coaches to build resilience rather than anxiety:
1. Shift the Focus from Outcomes to Process
When parents and coaches only praise wins, goals, or trophies, young athletes learn that their self-worth is entirely tied to their performance. This creates high anxiety and a fear of failure.
- What to do: Focus praise on elements the athlete controls: effort, preparation, concentration, communication, and attitude. Instead of asking "Did you win?" ask "What did you learn today?" or "How did you handle the pressure?"
2. Normalize and Reframe Mistakes
A fear of making mistakes is the primary driver of performance anxiety in youth sports. Athletes who are afraid to fail play cautiously and underperform.
- What to do: Treat mistakes as data, not as failures. Coaches should build drills where mistakes are inevitable and guide players through processing them. Parents should avoid debriefing mistakes in the car ride home, which is often the most stressful part of the young athlete's day.
3. Teach Emotional Regulation Techniques
Young athletes often lack the physiological tools to manage stress spikes during competition.
- What to do: Introduce simple, structured breathing techniques. Škrinjarić recommends teaching children basic diaphragmatic breathing (e.g., box breathing: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4). Practicing this in calm moments makes it an accessible tool under competitive pressure.
4. Encourage Autonomy and Problem-Solving
Resilience grows when athletes feel they have control over their actions and decisions.
- What to do: Avoid over-coaching from the sidelines or directing every decision. Let the young athlete experience minor setbacks and figure out how to solve them. Ask guiding questions ("What do you think you can do differently next time?") rather than giving immediate answers.
Reassessing the Goal of Youth Sports
"The ultimate goal of youth sports is not to create professional athletes — the statistical reality is that only a small percentage will reach that level," says Škrinjarić. "The goal is to use sports as a lab for developing life skills. The mental resilience, self-regulation, and focus that a child learns on the pitch or court will serve them in their education, their careers, and their personal relationships long after they stop playing."
Luka Škrinjarić is the founder of Mentalni Trening (mentalnitrening.com), a licensed sports psychologist, and vice president of the sports psychology section of the Croatian Psychological Society. He works with elite and youth athletes across football, basketball, boxing, and esports.